The 14 Words

Wednesday, 8 October 2014

Drone strike hits Cameron as he claims to be a ‘friend’ of Afghanistan

The UK Prime Minister was forced to dig himself and the new Afghan President, Ashraf Ghani, out from under a pile rubble – left by the impact of a surgical drone strike. Unbeknownst to Mr. Cameron, articulating the words ‘strong partner to Afghanistan’ is a trigger phrase to the unmanned weapons systems deployed throughout the region. What should have been an ordinary diplomatic visit, ended in the burning remains of a podium, both men unceremoniously covered in dust and the waste of a missile, which could better be aimed at a local school.

As yet, no country has claimed responsibility for the strike; but having recently ordered the deaths of over 2,400 people in Pakistan, the US is looking ‘…somewhat sheepish’. A Pentagon official said: 
‘There is no direct evidence linking the attack on Mr. Cameron and our own kill list. But – if I were him, if I was in Kabul – I’d probably not shake hands with anyone with a beard – at least not in the open.’
With negligible legislation covering the deployment of armed drones, merely standing at a Pakistani wedding ‘looking a bit shifty’ is motivation enough to unleash extrajudicial murder. While Mr Ghani said British troops had stood ‘shoulder to shoulder’ with Afghanistan, he now suggested that they might want to stand ‘a little further back’ if they were going to keep talking about friendship within drone range.

Britain’s own Watchkeeper surveillance drone fleet is worth £850m, as a MoD spokesman explained: 
‘Yes, British and US troops are set to leave Afghanistan, but that does not mean we have to stop raining down aerial death on anyone we fancy’
Mr. Cameron’s own advisors were bullish about situation: 
‘So – he made an error standing next to an Afghani and calling him friend – what? These mistakes happen. The drone was not in error, the mistake was not sending the Foreign Secretary, Philip Hammond, to stand here instead.’

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