My Boyfriend Wants a Threesome

Henry,

I have been reading your articles for some time now & was wondering if I could ask your advice on something -- or better said, your insight.  What is the male fascination with two girls, or a threesome, if you will?

Some guys insist that they "only want to watch" but I find this hard to believe... Being a female, brought up in a strict Christian home, I can't understand this.  I am in a relationship with someone and we have been totally honest about many things I haven't talked about with anyone, but this subject seems to really upset me.

Is this a normal, innate "guy thing"? Or has this been implanted into the male psyche by the same powers that rule the world and corrupt all that is good, pure and true?  If we were to play the scenario out, it would end in hurt feelings and destroyed relationships.  What are you thoughts?

Thanks,

Barbara


My reply:

Thanks for entrusting me with such a profound and basic question. You ask:

Is this a normal, innate "guy thing"? Or has this been implanted into the male psyche by the same powers that rule the world and corrupt all that is good, pure and true?
The answer, a hundred times, is the latter. It has been put in his mind by people trying to destroy marriage; just as the very prospect is undermining your relationship.

A threesome is a form of pornography. It is debauchery.   It offends monogamy, loyalty and love. It is a death sentence for a relationship. I doubt it is pleasurable, but even if it were, many pleasurable things are harmful and part of an addiction.

People are really seeking intimacy in a relationship not titillation. For intimacy, there must be trust; for trust there must be exclusivity.

Frankly, I would dump this guy. The fact he wants to go there means he is already debauched. He cares nothing about your feelings and well being.

There are plenty of men who want a wholesome woman like you. You are becoming more rare and valuable every day.

Hope this helps,

Henry

I asked Barbara to fill in the background:

I am a 44-year-old recently divorced mother of three who was married for 23 years, the last 10 of which were very difficult to say the least.

I held on until my son was raised .  I knew somehow deep down that how I treated his father was very important and would directly influence what he would expect in a wife, that I was setting the standard by which he would pick his future wife.

My youngest is 18 and I am now moving into a very different stage of my life, trying  to have an open mind and spiritual perspective (conclusions that I have come to after much thought and prayer) vs. religious perspective (things I was thought as a child by the church).

I am in a new relationship where honesty is paramount, and we have been openly discussing subjects that I never would have in the past.  I asked for him to give me a "fantasy" or "scenario" that he had.

He actually kind of played it out a bit (with words only), the famous guy watching two girls/lesbian thing, but afterward, my mind took it to its obvious conclusion, well past that which he was intending: that any guy in this situation would logically have to join in.  Thus, I would have the mental image of the man that I loved with another woman burned permanently in my mind.

Truthfully, the next day it almost seemed like it had happened and I felt quite a disturbing set of emotions, and he felt horrible, seeing how it had affected me.

Initially, I felt inadequate, the flaws that come with age now seeming so important when just the other day I was feeling extremely feminine, beautiful, and radiant.  And so I posed the question to you.

We talked about this and in the end we agreed that it is definitely NOT something that could ever work for anyone.

He is a 49-year-old widow, recently lost his wife of 27 years who was quite a bit older than him, and had no children but played a very important role in the lives of [his wife's] three grandchildren and is concerned for their future.

I believe he said that he initially saw that scenario in a magazine that his dad had around the house, but now, how much worse things are!  I am glad that we took the time to delve into this taboo subject and I would appreciate the input of your readers as well.

Is there anyone on the planet that is not affected in some way by pornography?

Source

Hardons comment:

I have been involved in a threesome on two occasions and both times it ended in tears, no I loved it but for the women competition and jealously took over. Although the women were friends to begin with they ended up hating each other. Of course in some religions Polygamy is quite acceptable and lets face it what guy has never fantysised about having two women? So I don't think you can blame Pornography!