Friday, 20 May 2011
MY BROTHER ASKED me the other day if I knew anything about this Christian sect going around the country saying the End of the World was going to occur this Saturday night. I told him I heard something, but hadn’t really gave it much attention since they might be right and wanted to spend my time gearing up, blowing all my dough and getting seriously plastered. And yeah, you’re right: I don’t really need any End of the World business as an excuse for any of that.
Just kidding. Sure, these people might be on to something — who knows? One thing I do know: I sincerely doubt I’m much of a candidate for rapture.
This particular Christian group is not a church at all, because they think organized religion is under the control of Beezlebub. That’s not much of a stretch, considering the insanely misplaced loyalty the fooled Christian Zionists give that evil little country of Israel and the all-too-often Christian-hating Jews.
The “rapture” is scheduled to begin at 6 pm in the Pacific rim area and follow each time zone to the west. All the righteous will be beamed heavenward, or possibly croak dead on the spot. If I’m flying, I sure hope my pilot is a seriously satanic type.
After all the beaming business, the rest of us sinners still here are due for some God-awful hell on Earth until this October, when the whole bailiwick will explode in a sheer cataclysm of Biblical destruction. Those of us who manage to survive the hordes of hungry and crazed Negroes — fresh from looting all the tennis shoe and hip-hop urban fashion stores — will get crushed like bugs as the planet breaks up into giant chunks of spinning space debris.
My, that’s a pleasant thought.
Posted by John Hardon at 20:15